It would distress me immensely to commence a blog somewhere near the beginning of the story which I want to tell, slave to some chronological stabilizing mechanism, meanwhile putting to spite the full breadth of my life, and the full collection of my varied opinions, acquired as they have been often by chance, and sometimes by industry -- though the latter never being as fully robust an acquistion method as might be practical if I were in desire of placing my personage into a 10 percentile range of those who were successful at remaining calm during life's abusive menace and who became accomplished at maintaining the equilibrium necessary to prosperously obsess upon singularities. Starting near the beginning is quite the cat's bottom as well because it puts me at a period for which my memory fails me utterly. Even if I could dwell upon all the residual flashy lights, fleeting dangling mobile nicknacks, long expirated coochy coos, and the fading echos of my gurgles and cries, I don't think they would sufficiently hold my blog reader's attention to a sufficient extent in this commencement, where first appearances are probably of some import, as they always have been discussed as being.
In my intellectual apprenticeship, I have gathered the apparent knowledge that the definitive origin of my history kicks off with some kind of big explosive boom whereupon everything is scattered willy-nilly into a void, or quite possibly into no void at all, crashing headlong into some other incidental debris resulting from some other equally peculiar boom, ad absurdum. As I view the matter, no discernible pattern transpires from this "knowledge" and certainly nothing so intellectual appears to be vastly demanding of my preoccupation. Do not perceive me wrongly. I am truly taking aim at a good initial impression but if the arrow does not reach the center spot, please bear with me through another entry or two, as first impressions are clear by reason of their sharpness, but, by the bye, they may also lack meaning by reason of their intrinsic subject matter. (Curses remain upon the first wife!)
By all this, I mean to say that this blog, while biographical, while containing the sum total of whatever opinion I can coax off the ledge of my top story, will not be the standard blog. [Indeed, you may say. Yes indeed, I may respond.] I will not bore you with coochy coos nor will I start at some extraneous point of insignificance as to when and where I was born or created, or from whence the parts of me came to be. These are but points on a continuum of an entire history of events and nonevents that affected me and determined the ample array of wisdom I wish to impart. I am your loyal servant in this quest for enlightenment. And by all manner, Sir or Madame, you are not my captive victim. As may befit your desire, there are plenty of extraneous blogs out there with pearls of wisdom possibly worth the diving. Yet I fear it necessary to inform you that none of these substitutions may be as full of dissembled truth as mine will attempt to impart to thee. My blog will be brassy, cheeky, and fearless-- save for that previously confessed fear-- and will do it's best to be as rare and unique in blogging history as any blog that has or ever will hit the tubes.
You have my word 'pon it.
by Michael DeVore